Dear Mason and Teo,

I know that I am called to the vocation of marriage. When I was 23 years old, I used to go with a guy for four years. We broke up and he moved on to marry someone else. Now, I’m in my 30’s and wonder if I missed my chance. Is there someone out there for me? (Last chance)

Dear Last Chance,

It is great to hear that you know your vocation. That’s half the battle. Rest assured, if you are indeed called to marriage, God will send you the right person. If you feel called to this vocation and that person isn’t showing up at this point, it could mean that you have discerned incorrectly and are actually called to a celibate single or religious life. Or the person already came into your life and your free will has kept him from you, or he is there now and you don’t recognize him. Or the person is yet to appear.

God does not call you to the vocation of marriage and then not give you the opportunity to fulfill that vocation. “For you will surely have a future and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 23:18) God will send someone whose love for you is a reflection of his own unconditional “agape” love. That someone will love the whole you; he will be someone you won’t have to be different for.

God will send someone who wants your good more than his own, who is willing to sacrifice his comforts, needs and desires for yours. And he will give you all the grace and wisdom you need to fulfill your vocation. If you are truly called to marriage, God will see to it that the person you are called to be with will come into your life.

Your job then is to discern properly and recognize the one meant for you. What you and he decide to do about it is up to both of you. God gives all of us free will, and with it the opportunity to fulfill your vocational call. God will always let you choose the person you want, even if it is not the person he wants for you. He reveals his will for you and delights in seeing what you do with that knowledge. If you choose wrong, do not be disappointed. Our God is a merciful God and he is truly abundant in mercy. Begin again and “let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn between us what is good” (Job 34:4)

As for your past relationship, it is just that — the past. Stop blaming yourself. Settling for being a victim saps your energy and will prevent you from moving ahead on the journey to forgiveness. Instead of tormenting yourself over a failed relationship, discover what you can learn from it. Many failures have the seeds of new beginnings. So don’t be afraid. Take the time to recognize the partner and helpmate suitable for you in your vocational service to God. This is the most important decision you will ever make. God will not deny you the tools you need to make it. So, pray for your spouse and be open to the Holy Spirit. If it is the will of God, it is going to happen.

Here’s a daily prayer to get you started:

Lord, you said that it is not good for us to be alone. You made us for each other. But Lord, I find it so hard to find that mate who would be a good spouse. Help me, Lord, to put this yearning for marriage in its proper place. Lead me, Lord, to the one whom you choose for my spouse. While I wait for you to reveal your will in this matter, help me to know myself better. Help me to address those areas of my life which are disordered and which would interfere with my having a successful marriage. When my desire to find a spouse becomes all consuming, help me to relax and practice patience. Help me to invest in wholesome friendships which bring me closer to you and which will assist me in making such an important decision. It is so natural, Lord, to seek love. Teach me to see you first and to learn to give love before I try to receive it. Help me to remember that whatever journey this life leads me on, you are always present, always offering companionship, and always filling my deepest need. I offer you, Lord, my loneliness and my longing for marriage. I wait for you to lead me to your perfect will for me in this and all things. Amen. (Author unknown)