Hello Mason and Teo,
My brother lives in California and he is gay. We were brought up Catholic and because of his lifestyle he got kicked out of the Catholic Church. In California, recently, they passed a law that homosexuals can get married. He is thinking of marrying his gay partner. If two people love each other, why can’t they get married? (Concerned Sister)

Dear Concerned Sister,

The love you have for your brother is apparent through your concern for his well-being. We find it very difficult to believe that your brother “got kicked out of the Catholic Church” because of his lifestyle. In fact, no one is kicked out of the church for homosexual tendencies. Often, people leave because of difficulty with the church’s teachings.

Sacred Scripture tells us that homosexual acts are gravely wrong. “Males likewise gave up natural relations with females and burned with lust for one another. Males did shameful things with males and thus received in their own persons the due penalty for their perversity.” (Romans 1:27)

But the church makes the distinction between homosexual tendencies and homosexual behavior. We ALL have a tendency to sin. These desires in and of themselves are not sins, however to act upon them is a sin. “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire conceives and brings forth sin, and when sin reaches maturity it gives birth to death.” (James 1:14-15)

Anyone living in a sexual relationship outside of a valid heterosexual marriage — including an unmarried man and woman living together as well as two men or two women living together in a homosexual relationship — is not permitted to receive the sacraments. Yes, they are still members of the church, they are free to go to Mass, participate fully in parish activities, etc. Our church is made up of saints and sinners. However, in order to receive Holy Communion, each person must repent, renounce sin and in the Sacrament of Reconciliation confess all mortal sin.

A person not permitted to receive the sacraments is not “kicked out of the church.” Christ died for all people, including your brother. “They must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity.” (CCC 2358)

The church is the guardian and teacher of the truth. The truth about marriage and sexuality comes from God, not man. The church helps us understand God and guards the truth of what marriage really is — the union of one man and one woman — regardless of what any state government says. The church cannot bend to political polls, popular opinion, selfishness or sin even if she wanted to, because the church did not make up these truths. The truth comes from God himself. The church upholds the truth.

The Catholic Church cannot recognize a same-sex relationship as a marriage simply because it is not a marriage. Marriage is a covenant designed and given to us by God. Spouses image the love of God within the Trinity, between God and all humanity, and made visible in the love of Christ and the church.

The spouses “one flesh” union, or sexual intercourse, is meant to participate in the very life and love of God. It makes visible the invisible mystery of God. It is a life-giving communion. The “one flesh” communion of husband and wife foreshadowed the eucharistic communion of Christ and the church from the beginning (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:31), which makes marriage the fundamental way God chooses to reveal his life and love in our world.

God gave us sexual desire as the power to love as he loves, so that we could participate in divine life, as co-creators with him, in selfless love. If we are truly to love others, then our love must conform to God, Christ’s image of love. Otherwise, it is simply not love. Thus, sex outside of marriage is a violation against the virtue of chastity.

Chastity is not abstinence (not having sex). It is a virtue, or spiritual energy, by which we say “yes” to a long-term integration of our sexuality and unity in our bodily and spiritual lives. Chastity is that “yes” that allows us to affirm the value of the person in every situation and in every vocation. It gets us out of selfishness and moves us toward selflessness and holiness.

Our heavenly Father has given us a rock solid foundation in the church to overcome our weaknesses. God asks us to be perfect, only because he has given us divine life to make it possible. Of course, it doesn’t mean that our lives will be free of struggle and suffering. No good father demands of his children more than he himself has given.

For our part, we need only to respond in loving obedience to the God who has given life to us. Continue to pray for your brother and share with him the good news of God’s liberating grace to help him live according to God’s original plan of love.